An incident and the lesson I learnt

I had once visited a temple, with my family, in the state of Andhra Pradesh in India. We stayed there for three days and experienced total peace except for one incident that I cannot forget.

On the evening of the second day of our stay there, the temple was crowded with devotees and pilgrims, because a huge chariot carrying the Lord was about to be pulled around the sanctum. Now, this is considered to be a very special occasion to seek the blessings of the Lord.

I was standing in the midst of this crowd, holding my daughter’s hand and waiting for the chariot procession to start. I had lost sight of my husband but I wasn’t worried, as we had planned to meet near a hotel once the procession was over. The beating of drums had begun indicating that the procession was about to start. People were beginning to become restless and there was some pushing and rushing, as is expected in such a situation. As a matter of principle I never push or block anyone inside a temple, as I believe that everybody has come to see the lord and we mustn’t think only of ourselves. Besides, pushing and blocking can only spoil the peace that we have come looking for.

So here I was, waiting along with the crowd, and suddenly I was shoved very roughly by some one from behind me, and I saw a woman stumbling ahead. I looked at her and calmly told her that she can go ahead if she wants to but she must not shove anyone.

At that point I don’t know what came over her; she started shouting abuses at me. I was both embarrassed and taken aback at the same time. But I refused to lose my cool…I asked her to calm down and told her it was okay; but to no avail. She was screaming at me, for no fault of mine, and nothing could stop her. Finally, I gave up and moved away from her as it was disturbing my purpose of visiting the temple. Again, all of a sudden, she lunged at my daughter, aged 8, and grabbed her hair. My little one started crying; she was terrified because of the suddenness and because she was a mere spectator to this whole interaction. Now I lost my cool. I hugged my little one protectively and screamed at her and asked if she was nuts, before I took my daughter aside to console her. We were both rattled and it took us a long time to get over it.

Now, when I look back, I wonder if I did the right thing by talking to this lady when she shoved me. By talking to her in a calm voice and asking her to move ahead, I thought I could change her attitude and get her into a peaceful mood. But I was wrong; my mood was spoilt, instead. Her toxicity had consumed me, at least for some time. I should have just ignored her and continued with what I was doing. My attempt at talking to her was actually my subconscious attempt to “change” her – which is impossible. The only person who we can change is our own selves and nobody else. Some people are better left alone – for our own good.

There have been many such instances in my life, though none as profound as this particular one. But I don’t allow the “preacher” in me to surface. I just don't allow myself to get affected.